I’ve been growing dahlias since my brain injury in 2018. It’s been a big part of my healing, to learn new skills, and to work with my hands and follow the rhythms of the seasons, and I’m ready to share this meaningful work. I’ll be selling tubers online, and also am working on new workshops that give clients a hands-on way to discover joy and tune in to their own natural wisdom. Pictured above is Bliss. You can find more varieties of dahlias at Freeport Dahlias.
How you can help someone who has suffered a traumatic brain injury
I started leading workshops on Embodied Resilience in early 2020, and right away, clients with TBIs showed up in numbers that surprised me. The ideas offered below are experiences and concerns common to every single client.
1. If someone says they are struggling, believe them. Avoid statements like, “Oh, everyone makes mistakes,” “We all forget things,” or “You’re fine! You’re doing great!” While these statements are undoubtedly motivated by kindness, they undermine and invalidate the very real struggles. Instead of creating a connection of empathy, they can silence the person.
2. Recovery is non-linear. We learn as we go, and we may not know the answers right away as to what accommodations we need.
3. In order to agree on a reasonable level of productivity, all parties need to let go of the person’s prior work style. Someone who used to be able to work overtime with no notice, or work until midnight on a special project, simply might be unable to do that.
4. Depending on the nature of the brain injury, cognitive decline can be specific to certain tasks, and may negatively affect language and communication skills, visual and verbal memory, working memory, emotional regulation. Again, letting go of your experience of the person before the injury, and meeting them where they are now is critical.
5. Most disabilities are invisible. A person might look perfectly normal on the outside, but be experiencing pain, confusion, mobility issues, or emotional challenges.
6. Only someone who has experienced a TBI can understand the physical, mental, and emotional toll a brain injury take. Cultivating a listening stance, and taking the person at their word is imperative.
It can be so very hard for someone with a brain injury to explain things to even the most empathetic listener. My hope is that by framing the challenges in an emotionally neutral way, all sides can align to create a process and space in which ongoing recovery is supported.
Statement on Black Lives Matter
The time is long overdue for white people and their institutions to become earnestly anti-racist.
Last week, we watched the horrific murder of George Floyd. Since then, we’ve watched responses range from outrage and activism to confusion and indifference.
We don’t need another email from a white-owned business that says, “We’re all in this together.” We need people born into the privilege of not having to worry about racial violence and systemic injustice to educate themselves and take action.
This is not easy work, nor is it the work of a week’s thinking, reading, and writing. I commit myself to the ongoing inquiry of how to co-create a more just and equitable society.
Here are some resources if you would like to join me.
Callie Kimball
My practice is now centered around Embodied Resilience
As a high-functioning person who has mostly recovered from a traumatic brain injury (TBI) myself, I’ve come to believe one of the toughest challenges facing anyone in recovery is the ongoing disconnect and difficulty we have with people who knew us before the injury.
People might feel frustrated or even personally let down that we aren’t as reliable, smart, calm, or efficient as we once were. This can be especially hard for others to understand when we look, speak, and walk perfectly well. The result can be a strong sense of disappointment for friends, family, and coworkers, and a deepening sense of isolation for the one who is injured.
Whether the situation is at work or at home, status changes such as going on long- or short-term disability, or the Family and Medical Leave Act can legitimize what someone is experiencing, but these formal decisions offer little in the way of helping coworkers and loved ones understand what is happening in a meaningful way.
Sometimes, going on disability simply isn’t an option. It’s also likely that the injured person wants more than anything to continue working, to contribute, and to socially engage. Such activities give us purpose, and purpose is central to a healthy sense of ourselves.
Critical tasks for someone recovering from a TBI are to identify and strengthen what you can do so that what you can’t do becomes less and less of a preoccupation. I’ve come to believe that this is especially difficult and important for high-functioning individuals, who are suddenly navigating life and work with reduced abilities, and a resulting bewilderment and grief over what has been lost.