As a high-functioning person who has mostly recovered from a traumatic brain injury (TBI) myself, I’ve come to believe one of the toughest challenges facing anyone in recovery is the ongoing disconnect and difficulty we have with people who knew us before the injury.

People might feel frustrated or even personally let down that we aren’t as reliable, smart, calm, or efficient as we once were. This can be especially hard for others to understand when we look, speak, and walk perfectly well. The result can be a strong sense of disappointment for friends, family, and coworkers, and a deepening sense of isolation for the one who is injured.

Whether the situation is at work or at home, status changes such as going on long- or short-term disability, or the Family and Medical Leave Act can legitimize what someone is experiencing, but these formal decisions offer little in the way of helping coworkers and loved ones understand what is happening in a meaningful way.

Sometimes, going on disability simply isn’t an option. It’s also likely that the injured person wants more than anything to continue working, to contribute, and to socially engage. Such activities give us purpose, and purpose is central to a healthy sense of ourselves.

Critical tasks for someone recovering from a TBI are to identify and strengthen what you can do so that what you can’t do becomes less and less of a preoccupation. I’ve come to believe that this is especially difficult and important for high-functioning individuals, who are suddenly navigating life and work with reduced abilities, and a resulting bewilderment and grief over what has been lost.