I started leading workshops on Embodied Resilience in early 2020, and right away, clients with TBIs showed up in numbers that surprised me. The ideas offered below are experiences and concerns common to every single client.

1. If someone says they are struggling, believe them. Avoid statements like, “Oh, everyone makes mistakes,” “We all forget things,” or “You’re fine! You’re doing great!” While these statements are undoubtedly motivated by kindness, they undermine and invalidate the very real struggles. Instead of creating a connection of empathy, they can silence the person.

2. Recovery is non-linear. We learn as we go, and we may not know the answers right away as to what accommodations we need.

3. In order to agree on a reasonable level of productivity, all parties need to let go of the person’s prior work style. Someone who used to be able to work overtime with no notice, or work until midnight on a special project, simply might be unable to do that.

4. Depending on the nature of the brain injury, cognitive decline can be specific to certain tasks, and may negatively affect language and communication skills, visual and verbal memory, working memory, emotional regulation. Again, letting go of your experience of the person before the injury, and meeting them where they are now is critical.

5. Most disabilities are invisible. A person might look perfectly normal on the outside, but be experiencing pain, confusion, mobility issues, or emotional challenges.

6. Only someone who has experienced a TBI can understand the physical, mental, and emotional toll a brain injury take. Cultivating a listening stance, and taking the person at their word is imperative.

It can be so very hard for someone with a brain injury to explain things to even the most empathetic listener. My hope is that by framing the challenges in an emotionally neutral way, all sides can align to create a process and space in which ongoing recovery is supported.